Social media outlets have been replete of late with my cryptic messages about April 22--tweets about excitement, status updates full of countdowns, and a whole blog post devoted to sharing the news. Yes, it's true! I spent the better part of two days peppering my April 15 post with subtle clues that ended up standing out to absolutely no one (not even people who knew what was going on).
I would have been forthcoming earlier, but I was too busy debating whether or not I wanted to be discreet. ("Debating" might be a bit of an overstatement. It was more like "trying halfheartedly to convince myself that a lady does not blog about such personal matters.") In the end, of course, I've decided to err on the side of indiscretion, mostly because I'm in too good of a mood to worry about decorum. All I ask is that this announcement never make it to Facebook, because it's really none of Jane "1st Row, History of Rhetoric" Smith's or John "Another Shot of Captain?" Doe's business. So if you want to know what happened on April 22, take a look at that post (opens in a new window) to see what clues you missed and then proceed to the jump:
Whoops, should I have warned you that this blog post was going to be about my boobs? Warning: this blog post is going to be about my boobs! So if you did not visit my blog today (or ever) to read about them, you might want to stop now. Because dudes, I have boobs! Not "fried eggs" or "mosquito bites" or "noobs" (non-boobs)--real life (well, sort of), bra-filling, cleavage-making boobs! Hellooooo bikinis, push-ups, and Victoria's Secret, we meet at last!
The girls are perma-confined to a medical sports bra for the next month, taped and stitched, and still a tad bit swollen, but I love them already! Especially yesterday when I tried on a cardigan for the first time and IT FREAKING FIT! (My other sartorial options have been limited to t-shirts and track suits since Thursday morning.) My mom's friend (who knew about my surgery weeks ago) came by today and asked me if I'd been looking at them all weekend. Yes of course, Mary, I flash (and poke!) myself regularly to make sure they're still here! (Chicken cutlets and padded bras are fleeting, but implants are forever!).
Since they are and have been wedged into a sports bra since Thursday, they haven't felt that much different than my old boobs (gravitationally speaking) EXCEPT the two times that I've taken a bath (tape and stitches=terrible hygiene) when HOLY FACEPLANT, BATMAN, what is that pulling on my chest? Yeah, that's going to take some getting used to. (Also going to take some getting used to--being looked in the chest when I talk to guys. Sean's already demonstrated the boob-glance a couple of times and they don't even look good yet!)
If ladies don't blog about their boob jobs, then slap me with fart jokes and call me a fella (at least only in temperament now and not form as well, mwah!) because I love to talk about it! In fact, this is the first in a series of posts you can expect about my old crappy boobs and my new pretty ones: I'm planning to discuss surgery day soon and the deets that drove me to surgery once my before and afters are ready (safe for work I swear I'm not that loose). In the meantime, this broke and braless cleavage virgin is going to daydream about all the lovely girly things she'll be able to buy and wear once the ladies are finally fully acclimated to their new home just north of navel!
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
2 years ago
4 comments:
OKAY- I DID notice the boobage references, but thought it might have just been because I was watching something on TV that discussed boobies at the time. Be confident, Stefanie!
I'm fascinated by your enhancements! :) Like, I cannot wait to see a picture of your new bod (because I know you're tasteful and not a Heidi Montag!) and does it hurt awful bad? I'm left with "mom boobs" and am fascinated by all these magical medical things.
Congrats, you fabulous lady, you!
i hope you didn't go too big! victoria's secret bras never fit me... they're all too small! pretty sure all their models' boobs are photoshopped, which would explain why the bras seemingly fit their "well-endowed" bosoms.
oh, and i can forget about cute lingerie, i get to wear the heavy duty ugly stuff. strapless tops? i can forget about those, too! haven't found a strapless bra yet that can hold the girls up. also, a top that would look nice otherwise looks trashy on me. and button up shirts are an impossibility if i want them to fit in the chest and the body. the best part is i randomly have people yell the word "boobs!" at me. (seriously). not to mention the backaches..!
ok. rant over! as long as you didn't pull a heidi montag, i'm super happy for you and i need pictures.
Sarah! How did this not come up at girls weekend!? Congrats on the "new" you :) Can't wait to see how great you look!
@Stef: Hooray! I'm so glad my post wasn't all for naught!
@Liane: I'm so sorry to hear your boob woes! I had almost the exact same problem, except in reverse.
@Lara: I'd been considering a boob job since the beginning of time, but I didn't start to pursue one until about a month before my surgery. Hence the lack of discussion with the girls.
And no, I'm nowhere near Heidi Montag-sized--that would have been a physiological impossibility (which, of course, I'll explain later). Pictures will go up as soon as I'm allowed out of a sports bra--right now the ladies are suppressed and in no state to pose. (In other words, expect the before and afters in about 2.5 weeks.)
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