Not that kind of English major

My Beloved Literature Prof,
I have been trying most vigorously to read the 700-page novel that you plan to discuss in class on Tuesday, but I am finding the task quite tedious indeed. I am a mite disheartened that I was only able to finish 30 pages in 45 arduous minutes. As such, I have set the book aside with little to no intention of picking it back up again. Please do not take this as a sign of my indifference; I have avowed to rent the movie, read the Sparknotes, and attend every class during which you discuss the novel's contents. I am hopeful that the next novel will be more to my liking.
Yours, ever so truly,
Not the King's woman