R.I.P.

Philippe the Betta died late Sunday evening in his small travel bowl during a routine trip to College Station. Authorities have yet to determine the exact cause of death, but a source close to investigators has stated that the fish showed signs of extreme stress that might have been brought on by rough travel conditions. A person not involved in the case offered a more accusatory theory: "The trip was rough alright, but it didn't have nothin' to do with no roads or traffic. It was the singin'. And if you's ever heard the driver of that car sing you'd know what I's talking about. If you asks me, the driver herself kilt that fish a' soon as turnin' on the Aerosmiths."

Whatever the cause, friends and family say that Philippe was uncharacteristically mellow for a betta and they will always remember him for both his beauty and intelligence. Their only regret, they say, is that he died so close to his first birthday.